WE GET TONS OF QUESTIONS...
Some, amazingly, not from prosecuting attorneys. Regardless, we felt it might be easier if we answered a few of the more common queries. Read through this and if you still have questions, we'll meet you in the bar. Or in court.
HOW LONG HAS MANSPLAT MAGAZINE BEEN AROUND?
Conceptually since the Dawn of Time. Geographically since 1995.
THAT DOESN'T ADD UP ; YOUR 10TH ANNIVERSARY ISSUE JUST CAME OUT...
We can't count. Don't believe us? Look at our bank statements.
I WANNA WRITE FOR MANSPLAT. WHERE SHOULD I SEND MY WRITINGS?
This is one question we get asked nearly all the time. Actually, it's presented to us in the form of a statement, not a question. Example: “Hey, I wanna write for ManSplat. I got a lot of funny ideas and...‘ Here's the final word on the subject: There are only three guys who write for ManSplat, and unless you see your name in the editor's box, you ain't one of ‘em. However, we do allow small contributions, such as the “Dirty Dozen“ column, in which we invite people to write about their top twelve alcoholic drinks and a BRIEF experience related to drinking said alcoholic beverage. The key word is “invite.“ DO NOT send us your Dirty Dozen submission unless you are invited to do so. Otherwise, if we want you to write for ManSplat, we'll ask you. Don't hold your breath, though; We have a ton of unpublished stuff waiting to be used. To put it in relative terms, it'd be like walking up to the Rolling Stones and going, “Hey guys, I wanna write songs for you...“
OK, SO YOU DON'T NEED MY WRITING GENIUS TO MAKE YOUR STUPID MAGAZINE BETTER. HOW ELSE DO I GET INVOLVED WITH MANSPLAT?
Buy an ad. You wanna get involved with ManSplat, this is the way to do it. Or you can write a letter to the editor, as we often publish letters we get. Or you can buy us a drink at one of Seattle's many fine booze emporiums.
HOW OFTEN DOES MANSPLAT COME OUT?
Since 1995 we published four times a year on a regular basis. Then in 2002 some of us screwed up and got day jobs. We put Splat to sleep for a few years, citing dwindling paid ads and having no time left after working all day long. We hardly had time to drink, for crying out loud. As you can see, that posed a serious problem. While we never shut down the magazine, we planned to ressurect it at some point. In response to all the public disasters in 2005, we decided to put out a “comeback“ issue, seeing how we're kind of a public disaster ourselves. But to answer the question, we put ManSplat out whenever we feel like it. No set schedule yet, but hey, at least it's still going.
DUDE, I DON'T LIVE IN YOUR DISTRIBUTION AREA. WHERE THE HECK CAN I GET A COPY?
Send us $5.00 and we'll mail you a copy. Dude.
$5.00? I THOUGHT THE MAGAZINE WAS FREE?
The magazine IS free. Mailing envelopes and postage are not.
DO YOU DO SUBSCRIPTIONS?
No, because we don't publish on a set schedule. Makes it kinda hard to keep track of things. You could move and we wouldn't even know it, even though we know everything.
HOW CAN I GET MY GIRLFRIEND IN THE MAGAZINE AS A MISS SPLAT?
She has to be 18 or older and willing to be photographed naked (T&A only, no Willie Nelson). Click HERE for details.
WILL YOU REVIEW MY BAND'S CD?
We'll listen to just about anything, but we do not guarantee that you'll be reviewed in print. And if we do, there's no guarantee it'll be a glowing review. Send your stuff to Matt Johnson, ManSplat's resident senior editor and iron-tongued music critic: Hairball Media, 4742 42nd Ave. SW, PMB 515, Seattle, WA 98116. And no, we don't send CDs back. We tape them to our roof in the hope they'll act like solar panels. WARNING: Don't even think of sending us emo shit.
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